Preventing Tragedy: Safety Tips for Families of Nonspeaking Autistic Children

Last week, the unthinkable happened again: a teenager with nonspeaking autism was shot and killed by police.

These stories are never just stories to us — they are reminders of how it could have been our child. We already know the world often fails to presume their competence, intelligence or humanity. In a moment of crisis, those assumptions can become life-threatening.

In this post, I want to share some actionable, realistic steps we can take to reduce the risk of harm — and in doing so, advocate for change while protecting our loved ones.

Our Family’s Story

In 2023, my 14-year-old nonspeaking son went through a serious physical and mental health crisis. It didn't have to get as bad as it did, but medical personnel waved away his aggression and regression as normal severe autism "behaviors" and puberty. The violence became unbearable and unaffordable. In a span of 3 months he broke three windshields, two windows, kicked several walls down to the studs and he, his dad and I were covered in scratches, bruises and bite marks. We were trapped and unsafe in our own home.

The standard medical solution, an Abilify prescription, wasn't working. Our Regional Center, the organization that provides resources to disabled Californians, including placement in group homes, denied my request for help. Members of a local Facebook special needs parent group suggested I call the police to create a paper trail to convince Regional Center we needed help.

So, the next time he had a violent, screaming meltdown in the backyard I called the police. The experience could have gone very differently if we hadn’t had access to the right kind of support in our community.

Our city sent two officers on that first call, one the dad of a mildly autistic child, and another whose son is nonspeaking and Level 3. They told me about a special police team I could request from dispatch that includes an officer who is also a clinical therapist and experienced with severe autism. 

The officers also gave me advice like explaining the importance of not inviting officers inside, because if my son charged at them, they would be required to use "police force." However, they graciously waited outside until my son calmed down, just in case I needed them, and reassured me that our local police force was well trained and ready to assist our family and keep us safe.

We live in Riverside County, California, and I’m incredibly grateful for the professionalism and training of our local law enforcement. Our county is home to the Community Behavioral Health Assessment Team (CBAT) — a specialized unit in the Sheriff’s Department that responds to mental health and behavioral crises with calm, compassion, and experience. I got to know officers Ashley and Jesse well over the next few months as they responded to our calls and helped us create a safety plan for my son that involved his me and his dad, an experienced County Child Psychiatrist, the Sheriff's Department and Regional Center. With proper support, my son stabilized safely at home over 6 months after being properly diagnosed and prescribed the correct medication. We still see that wonderful psychiatrist, who presumes competence and asks thoughtful yes/no and multiple choice questions my son can answer.

The Riverside County Sheriff’s Department also offers a Special Needs Reunification Program, which allows families to register loved ones who may wander or elope, including those with autism or Alzheimer’s. You can add photos, calming strategies, and emergency contacts so officers can respond appropriately.

We also had a severe autism dad in our area who retired from the police department so he could care for his adult son full time. He started a business training police departments to safely work with autistic community members, so quite a few of the police departments in Southern California are well trained.

Mental health crisis response teams are becoming more common across the country, and many counties in California and large cities across America have teams within police departments that handle mental health calls.

No matter where you live, here are some actionable steps you can take to keep your family safe.

Safety Strategies for Families of Nonspeaking/Minimally Speaking Loved Ones

1. Connect With Law Enforcement in Advance

Contact your local police department and ask:

• Can my address be flagged for a special needs response in the 911 system?

• Can I introduce my child to an officer in a calm, non-crisis moment?

• Do you have a Crisis Intervention Team or autism-trained responders?

These relationships can change everything in an emergency.

2. Create a One-Page Safety Profile

Include:

• A current photo

• Diagnosis and communication style

• Behaviors that may be misunderstood (e.g., running, stimming, aggression, not responding to verbal commands, sensitivity to touch)

• Calming strategies

• Emergency contacts

Keep this in your car, purse, and home. Share it with neighbors, first responders and family friends.

3. Use Wearable ID 

If your child can tolerate it, consider a medical ID bracelet or necklace. When we go to a crowded community event or travel, my son wears an ID bracelet with a Medical symbol, his name, my phone number and "I have Nonverbal Autism please call my family."

4. Register With Local Programs

If your city or county offers a special needs registry, register your child. These programs give law enforcement advance knowledge that can prevent panic or misunderstanding during a crisis.

👉 Riverside County Special Needs Programs

5. Meet the Neighbors

I'm not the type to knock on doors, but when I moved into our home our next door neighbors introduced themselves. That allowed me to share my son's diagnosis, and I discovered our neighbors across the street have a nonspeaking nephew, and the family two doors down have a nonspeaking daughter. 

My neighborhood goes all out on Halloween, so I've used trick-or-treating to spread autism awareness in our neighborhood. First, I had my son answer the door and hand out candy with my assistance before he could handle trick or treating. Then, once he could go out, I had him use AAC to say trick or treat. That allowed me to explain he has nonverbal autism and joke about how "they may have heard his shrieking from our backyard." Now, almost everyone knows him and would know to come find me or ask around if they saw him wandering down the street alone or found all 200 pounds of him swimming naked in their pool. 

6. Write Social Stories and Practice Emergency Scripts

Sharing a social story with your student about how to interact with the police can help prepare them to know what to expect. If you're not experienced at writing social stories, there are quite a few for sale on Teachers Pay Teachers.

If your student is in ABA, learning to interact safely with police would be an excellent goal for them to support. Most ABA clinics could even probably arrange a visit from real police officers that would be educational for everyone.

If your student uses AAC, make sure there is one easy button they can find to communicate their nonspeaking status to police. Most apps already have a preprogrammed button that says, "Hi, my name is (Name) and I use an iPad to communicate."

7. Advocate for Policy Change

Support:

• Crisis response teams like CBAT in every city

• Mandatory disability and autism training for officers

• Alternatives to police response in mental health emergencies

Your voice matters — and collective action changes policy.

You Are Not Alone

If you’re reading this because you’re scared, grieving, or just trying to prepare — you know your child is not the danger. The danger lies in systems that don’t yet understand them. Together, we can build a world that sees the brilliance in every nonspeaking child, protects their safety, and respects their right to live and be understood.

- Heather

PS: Because of the geographic nature of Google search results, many of our students live in Riverside County. Here are some helpful links for those families.

• 🧠 CBAT: Community Behavioral Health Assessment Team
  Specialized sheriff's unit for behavioral crisis response
  🔗 CBAT Info

• 🧩 Special Needs Reunification Program
  Register your child with law enforcement in advance
  🔗 Special Needs Registry

• ☎ Riverside County Crisis Line
  24/7 mental health support: (951) 509-2499